Posted in Blogging, Parenting

What’s Up Mommy Training Wheels?

So, between my obvious lack of posting in the last week and the one and only post I managed to squeeze in last Friday, some of you might have guessed that I am now back at work.

*Sigh*

I’m actually not sure how I feel about this so I’m just going to go ahead and jot down some of the things that have been going through my mind since I returned last Monday.

  • I’m fairly certain that I am not cut out to be a SAHM.  Though I adore my son, sometimes he drives me up the wall.  A part of me embraces this realization, but another part of me feels guilty about it (mommy guilt at its best!)
  • I’m kind of bummed that I took the 40 week maternity leave instead of the 50 week leave.  I know that I am VERY lucky to have such a long leave especially when I think that just a couple of hours South of here, moms get 6 weeks (CRAZY!).  When, I made up my mind, way back when I was a few weeks away from giving birth, it made sense financially (same pay over 40 weeks -vs- 50 weeks means a larger check each week) and professionally (I work in education and thought it was a good idea to be there at the start of the school year instead of come in mid-October).
  • I’m also realizing that I just cannot keep up with my son’s milk intake.  Now that I’m back to work, I have seen my (albeit) small freezer stash dwindle into near nothingness.  It is not feasible for me to pump while at work, therefore I can only pump while I’m at home.  However, when I’m at home, I nurse my son.  I’ve found myself in need of formula and I am annoyed at myself because of it.  Now, just to be clear, I’ve absolutely nothing against formula.  A good friend of mine chose formula over breastmilk and I’ve always wholeheartedly supported her decision.  I also found myself very happily embracing the online I Support You campaign.  However, I wish I had been able to build more of a stash to make it to 1 year with breastmilk alone.  In hindsight, had I known how attached I’d become to nursing my son (that is a whole other post), I would have taken the 50 week leave and would have either invested or rented a good quality electric pump.
  • I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that my son is starting daycare.  Of course, I’ve always been good at repressing my emotions, but I don’t know if the fact that I can’t put my finger on how I am feeling is because I am trying not to feel or if it is because there is a whirlwind of emotions that have assaulted me.  Let me try to put this into perspective.  Last week wasn’t so hard as he was with his father all week.  It kind of felt like the times where I left him with his father on weekends so that I could get out of the house.  No biggie.  However, this week, he will actually be going to daycare.  I LOVE that he’ll be in a small setting with only four other children and I really like the educator that will be taking care of him, BUT it feels like a big milestone for me.  The rational part of me tells me that this is a necessary step and that it’ll be good for him and yadayadayada, but the emotional part of me kind of feels like a train wreck waiting to happen.
  • In light of my first week as a working mom, I realize that I really need to get my s*** together if I want to remain sane.  We’ve already instigated some changes with regards to meal planning, but I want to be able to keep a balance between my professional life, my family life and my personal life (including blogging).  There’ll probably be a post coming up with my goals with regards to each of these facets of my life soonish.

How do you working moms find a balance between these aspects of your life?

Author:

Thirty-something year old discovering the joys and bumps of motherhood.

17 thoughts on “What’s Up Mommy Training Wheels?

  1. It’s too bad you don’t live closer…I have an electric pump sitting here that I’m not even using. (My insurance actually paid for one.) I ended up not needing it because don’t ask me how, my milk never came in. I’ve been told that happens sometimes when you have a cesarean. It will just end up collecting dust in my cellar for the next few years until we decide whether or not we want to have another. (I’m leaning toward not presently)

  2. We always have something to feel guilty about, whether it be admitting that we need some time off from our babies or the old breast vs. bottle feeding debate. Going back to work or giving your baby formula don’t in any way, shape or form make you a bad mother. They’re both hard choices to make and often come out of necessity so don’t feel bad. Good luck.

  3. Wow really interesting post. It’s such a challenge. I opted to take a different path a ditch my career and work from home a bit. Monkey goes to daycare 2dpw week so I can do this, 3 if I have a lot, on, and can justify it. I don’t really enjoy him going the three as it just feels, like too many days away from each other yet but I shouldn’t worry as he loves it there. He knows many of the kids in our personal life so in many ways it’s like a big playdate. My advice is to stop focusing on the decisions you didn’t make and focus on how to make the new scenario work for you guys as a family. It will work out in the end 🙂

    1. It’s great that you were able to find a balance: working from home and sending your kiddo to daycare a couple of days a week! I would have loved to take another full year off, but we couldn’t manage financially this time ’round. Next time though, we are planning on putting some money aside to be able to manage.

      Thanks for the advice! I guess change is always hard to get used to.

  4. That mommy guilt is tough! Whether you stay at home or work, either way, you’ll feel guilty about something. Hang in there! I’m sure your little one is in good hands and I know your time apart will make you cherish your moments together even more! Good luck readjusting!

    1. Thanks!

      Mommy guilt is indeed tough, you never know when it’s going to creep up on you y’know?

      I know Little Dude is in good hands (I had really good vibes from the caregiver from the getgo). I just have to readjust to the way things will be.

  5. Wow… We only get 16weeks of maternity leave here. I work full-time, so I definitely know what you mean about mummy guilt. 2year old G goes to childcare – my heart broke when I saw him crying in the first few days. Now, he has adapted really well and is doing well in school. I try to apply for leave occasionally to spend more time with the kids. My weekends are kept for the kids. A daily routine to tuck them into bed gives me a little bonding time too. Don’t look back, just make the best out of the situation. Good luck!

    1. 16 weeks is crazy! Seriously!

      Today wasn’t so bad, but I only went to get him at daycare, his father is the one who drove him this morning. I suspect that tomorrow will be harder on me. He was in a good mood today, so I’ll keep my fingers crossed for him not to cry.

      It’s good that you have found a routine that helps you spend quality time with your kiddos, I’m sure we’ll find our stride over here as well.

      Thanks for your input.

  6. Bravo! Sounds like you are making the transition well, or at least you’ve got a good start and your head on straight. I went back at 6 weeks, albeit part time. I am lucky to work 20-25 hours a week and we have decided to get in-home babysitting for the time being, but it’s great that you have found a good daycare – I think we will look into that in the future…

    Yes, the pumping/milk thing is the biggest challenge – I blew through my initial freezer stash quickly and am just managing to keep one bottle ahead of the game – just went down from 5 breast milk feedings per day to four (with just solids for his afternoon feeding) so this has helped.

    1. It’s great that you were able to return part-time and an in-home babysitter sounds really interesting. The important part is finding someone you trust.

      We’ve (he’s) also been reducing the number of times he has some milk and are pretty much down to four as well. We also learned yesterday that he is definitely able to skip a bottle (when my partner forgot to give him one before driving him to daycare) because he eats so much. It almost feels like he is self-weaning…

      I am seriously in admiration with the fact that you’re still pumping, it takes some serious dedication!

  7. I’m not sure how it works in Canada, but here in the states insurance companies will often pay for an electric breast pump if your doc writes you a prescription for it. They are big on making sure women can keep breastfeeding after they go back to work here in the area I live in.

    1. I can’t say for the rest of Canada as each province has its own maternity leave policies, but ’round here, in Quebec, mat leave is between 40 and 50 weeks long – depending on which you choose. I’ve never heard of an insurance company paying for a pump, because most woman are able to be with their babies for up to a year and by the time they go back to work they’re not nursing anymore anyways. You can also go to the drug store and rent a pump for around a dollar a day.

      1. Yes here most of the time you have to go back to work after 4 weeks. If you have a cesarean they may give you 6-8. I think that was why I was never able to breast feed my daughters for long, I no sooner even began to get the hang of it then I had to go straight back to working.

        I still think being forced to go back to work before I was really ready may have played a huge part in my getting injured and put on disability all those years ago. The US is famous for it though. Unless you’re an upper class executive that has nice maternity benefits you pretty much just have to go back as soon as you can manage it, and for me it meant a 60 hour week in an auto factory trying to keep pace with an assembly line.

      2. 4 weeks. Eek! That is such a short time at home with a new baby! Honestly, I probably never would have been able to breastfeed had I had to return to work so soon.

        I didn’t know you’d been injured. But it seems to me that the likely hood of being injured must increase insanely when you go back to work, sleep-deprived, when your body hasn’t even had the chance to recover completely yet from the huge effort it went through.

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