Posted in Write for me Wednesday

Write For Me Wednesday: Breast Pump, How Much do I Hate Thee? (Jocelyn’s Guest Post)

I am really pleased to share a guest post from another amazing blogger today.  The oh-so-hilarious Jocelyn from The Home Tome has decided to share a post about pumping.  I am sure it will strike a chord with anyone who has done a significant (oh, and let’s be honest, a not-so-significant) amount of pumping to feed their little bundle of joy.  I am confident that you will enjoy her post and I strongly recommend stopping by her blog to read some more of the awesomeness she produces.


You know what I should be doing right now? Pumping. Instead, I’m eating lunch, doing laundry, and typing a few words here with re-runs of “Sex in the City” playing in the background. Today is my day off from work. If my baby naps for a while, I’ve got even bigger “me” plans from here: I’m going to pay some bills, attempt some yoga and possibly make some pumpkin soup from a new recipe I spied online (thereby re-acquainting myself with the kitchen, and reminding myself and my husband that I can still nourish humans bigger than two feet tall). This is all to say that pumping is not making the list. Nope. The pump is sitting less than two feet from me on the table, right there, taunting me, but I am not going to hook it up. No way.

I have been breastfeeding now for 10-plus months and pumping for about the same amount of time. I’m proud of the fact that I have breast fed my child: especially at the beginning, it was the most difficult, tiring and painful thing I have EVER done. I am also proud that I have kept up the breastfeeding longer than my original goal of six months even despite going back to work (part time) at six weeks. My new goal is 12 months, and I can even see myself extending it a bit longer beyond that. BUT mark my words, the day my son turns one years old, I am going to stop pumping.

Pumping has become my black cloud, my albatross. Though I have a decent pump – it gets the job done and it’s hands free – it’s still a time consuming and tedious process. You have to untangle it, hook it up, make sure you have on the right bra and the right shirt (or no shirt)…Make sure you time it so that you didn’t just breastfeed the baby and you aren’t about to breastfeed him…Don’t forget to lock your doors, and cover your windows (lest someone see you in this highly unattractive, super-unsexy state, straight out of a sci-fi horror film)… Also, don’t take or make any phonecalls, because the bowm-bowm-bowm droning sound will distract both you and the person on the other end. Afterwards, you have to clean all the parts and pieces thoroughly so they’re dry and ready to go when you need to do it all again in a few hours.

Unless I’m missing something (I have the Medela Freestyle hands free pump), it seems to me that pumping technology is pretty antiquated and downright lame. With all of our advances in medicine, science, engineering, etc, how is it that this is still so awkward and clunky? My wish for future breastfeeding mothers is that pumps can be built discreetly into shirts and women can pump silently while conducting board meetings and building bridges.

But I digress – the main upshot is that I’ve been procrastinating big-time. Avoiding the contraption all together. And the result? My reserves in the freezer are dwindling (I have only three servings at present, at one point I had about 20). My physical supply is starting to dry up. Sure, I am somewhat stressed about this but not so much that I can muster any motivation. I have only about a month and a half left and I’m trying to figure out how to get through it. How can I get “pumped”? Pun intended.

I’m not usually a vindictive person, but the only solution I can think of is to plot my revenge. So I am making a list of what I’m going to do with the pump when I’m finished with it. (Mind you, this is an inanimate object and a really annoying one, so please don’t judge me.) I think I might…

Drop kick it to the moon?

Pack it inside 14 boxes and banish it to the darkest corner of our spider-filled basement?

Bury it in a hole out back?

Climb to the top of nearby Hook Mountain and chuck it into the Hudson River?

Run over it on the driveway? Repeatedly?



Maybe I’ll just tie it up with a nice red bow and present it to my worst enemy…

Ahhh. I feel better already. In fact, maybe I’ll just hook it up…and see if I can squeeze out a few ounces for the babysitter to use tomorrow…So much for all those other projects I wanted to tackle…Sigh.



How about you? How do you/did you get through the pumping?

Thanks again Jocelyn for agreeing to write a guest post for me :D!

If anyone else is interested in writing for me, please check out this post for more details.


Thirty-something year old discovering the joys and bumps of motherhood.

18 thoughts on “Write For Me Wednesday: Breast Pump, How Much do I Hate Thee? (Jocelyn’s Guest Post)

  1. O..m…g. I HATE pumping with everything that is within me. It’s the bane of my existence. I hate cleaning it, sitting and doing it (moo), and overall my time feels so precious I can accomplish so much in the downtime I have. Can’t wait to be done with it.

  2. Haha, you captured the horribleness that is pumping, alright! You’re right, there should be a better way to do it now – what’s up with that? Well done on breastfeeding (and pumping) for this long! That’s awesome. And I like the idea of run it over with the car. In fact, I may steal that one from you and do it to my own pump when I’m totally done having babies.
    Great post! 😀

    1. ha ha! PERFECT image! If we can access the entire world through smart phones light enough and small enough that it fits in our pockets, why can’t we access a little boob milk with something equally small and light? I propose Smart Pumps! 🙂

  3. This is so awesome Jocelyn. I only regularly used my pump for a month and I was going nuts. I mean, pumping here and there is find and all, but pumping several times a day? No way! Seriously, congratulations on making it this long. I wish you all the luck (and motivation) to making it to 12 months! Thanks again for writing this. Oh and I love the idea of presenting it to your worst enemy as a gift! LOL!

    1. Thanks so much for the opportunity to appear on Mommy Training Wheels! It is so great to connect with other mommas who can relate. I do believe that writing is therapy to a certain extent and this has helped a lot! In fact, I got out about 3 oz after writing that yesterday, ha!

  4. Ugh, pumping. All the joy of nursing, with none of the joy. I only made it to 6 months with both of mine. Working full time made it much more difficult, though my employer does have “lactation” rooms where mothers can pump in relative privacy and comfort. Woohoo!

    1. oh yikes, I think that group pumping with co-workers would be hilarious and AWKWARD. I did pump with a girlfriend/colleague in her car during a conference, and we giggled the whole time. Good job making it to 6 months while working full time!! I think I’ve only made it this far bc I work about 25 hours per week.

      1. Ha! The lactation rooms had private stalls, so it wasn’t totally group time. 🙂 You could hear the sounds of other pumps if you weren’t alone though!

  5. Would you believe that I pumped (solely) with my first born for 9 months straight?! Breast feeding didn’t take and I gave up, but I still wanted my baby to have the good stuff so I did it. Honestly, I didn’t hate it. I just watched tv or checked Facebook!

  6. I am so impressed you have pumped for so long. I hated pumping with a passion and was so so so happy when Noah was finally on whole milk. Good for you for lasting so long!

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