So, I trust that by now, you’ve all heard about the terrible twos and threes, probably even about the f***ing fours. I’m willing to bet, though, that no one’s ever told you about the OMG ones.
That’s because I just coined the expression.
No but seriously… Oh. Em. Gee. (*Shudder*, I hate seeing it spelled out like that.)
Focus Sophie, focus.
Ok so, let me start from the start.
You see, my very adorable son is, quite frankly a pretty easygoing little dude. I mean, besides the fact that he’s been teething for the better half of his life (which, for the record is not cool), he’s cuddly, smiles easily, can play on his own for long periods of time and is a champion pooper. Wait, ignore that last one, pooping most definitely does not have anything to do with him being easygoing.
For some reason, over the past month or so, the little guy has his (rather predictable) moments where he gets pissy.
Let me make my point by citing a few examples.
#1. The “I like to be covered in urine” situation
Yesterday morning, Little Dude woke up at 6am screaming. Seeing as the last times I’ve gotten out of the bed in a rush to see what was wrong I found myself waking up a sleeping baby (seriously, who screams in their sleep?), I decided to try to catch a few more minutes of Zzzzzs before extracting myself from my bed. About 20 minutes later, I got up and went to see my happily chattering son in his room.
When I picked him up, I immediately realized that he was wet. I mean, not a little wet. His pyjamas, sleeping sack, comforter and fitted sheet are soaking wet…with urine…that was also on me. My first thought was “oh s***, that’s probably why he woke up screaming”. It was quickly followed by “I should probably change him, it mustn’t be very fun to be covered in urine”.
And so, I started stripping off the items of clothing that were clinging to him and throwing them in the hamper. Then, I put him down on his changing table.
Holy crap! He was pissed (no pun intended). He looked at me with his why-are-you-doing-this-to-me-woman look and screamed and screamed and screamed as I took off his dry diaper (yes, the diaper *was* in fact dry), put a fresh one on him, wiped the urine off of his body with a warm washcloth and put another pyjama on him.
Of course, because his day started off badly, he was in a foul mood the whole day! And so, I thought to myself ‘I’m so happy he was at daycare today’, when I went to pick him up.
#2. The “I want to freeze to death” situation
It’s winter in Canada. You know, 35cm of snow and -35C with windchill winter. It’s a great season, I love it. But, dressing a
stubborn completely adorable baby in winter gear is the part I don’t particularly love. When Little Dude sees me take out his coat and boots is laugh and play a game of catch-me-if-you-can. Because, obviously, there’s no better game when I need to actually get out of the house and get to work. Then, when I finally catch him, he gets into kicking-Banshee-ragdoll-worm mode.
Here’s how it goes:
Step 1 (rag doll mode): Get all limp when mom wants to put the coat on me.
Step 2 (Banshee mode): Scream at the top of my lungs while mom gets the coat on me and zipped up.
Step 3 (worm mode): Start wiggling like a worm and attempt to turn on my tummy when I see the boots.
Step 4 (kicking mode): Kick my legs wildly as mom tries to get my boots on.
Extra-credit step: If mom tries to stand me up to get my feet in my boots properly, revert to step 1. If mom tries to put on my tuque before my coat, remove it by pulling on the velcro and revert to step 2.
He’s definitely got all of his bases covered…
#3. The “I won’t take no for an answer” situation
“No” is a word I try to avoid using when interacting with my son. I usually prefer to redirect his attention and then make use of positive reinforcement when my attempt to do so works. Most times, though, he can see my attempt coming from a mile away.
I do however use the “n” word in certain situation that require me to act quickly. Like that time where he wanted to help me with supper and tried to go check out the oven as I was taking out the piece of meat that had been cooking for the past half-hour. Or the time where he thought it might be a good idea to put his hand in the toaster. I think you get the picture… The word also slips out once in a while (hey, what can I say, I’m not perfect! ;)).
My son has two reactions to the word “no”:
1. He starts crying because he was frightened by the tone used.
2. He starts whining and whining and whining (it actually sounds like some kind of siren and I have to supress a laugh each time he does it) because he didn’t get what he wanted.
Tough luck, Charles, tough luck.
#4. The “I prefer wearing a full diaper thankyouverymuch” situation
This is in the same realm as situation 1. My son does not like to get his diaper changed. He wiggles and screams the whole way through usually, despite the fact that I try to distract him in a million possible ways.
It’s not that he doesn’t like to be in a clean diaper. It’s that I need to interrupt his very important play session to do so.
He, of course, reminds me of this almost every time I change him.
#5. The “I am looking at the tractor right now” situation
My son is in an in-home daycare with four 4 year olds. Two boys and two girls. One day, my son was standing and looking at the tractor out of the rather large living room window. One of the boys, who adores Little Dude, decided to come stand next to him to watch the tractor too (because, y’know, Dudes like big trucks).
Then, it happened.
Mr. Hyde came out of my son.
Not content to share the view, my son decided to take matters into his own hands and yell at the little boy and push him.
Yeah, my then 11 month old son pushed a 4 year old.
Of course, the boy wasn’t hurt, merely surprised and the sitter had to suppress a laugh when she sat down in front of my son to tell him it was not ok to push…
#6. The “This toys isn’t cooperating” situation
When Little Dude isn’t able to do what he wants to do, he throws mini-tantrums. This usually happens when he’s trying to put some Duplo blocks together but has them facing the wrong way. He’ll try for a bit and then let out an exasperated scream and throw his toys on the ground before going up to them, picking them up and trying again until it works.
The way I see it, this is akin to hitting a piece of electronic equipment when it doesn’t work.
#7. The “I think you get the picture” situation… 😛
But seriously, things aren’t that bad. Charles just has his…moments, moments during which I don’t know whether I should laugh, cry, pull out my hair or do all of the above.
The good thing is that is is definitely expressing himself.
What do you remember about the OMG ones? What age have you found to be the hardest so far?