Posted in Write for me Wednesday

Write For Me Wednesday: Breast Pump, How Much do I Hate Thee? (Jocelyn’s Guest Post)

I am really pleased to share a guest post from another amazing blogger today.  The oh-so-hilarious Jocelyn from The Home Tome has decided to share a post about pumping.  I am sure it will strike a chord with anyone who has done a significant (oh, and let’s be honest, a not-so-significant) amount of pumping to feed their little bundle of joy.  I am confident that you will enjoy her post and I strongly recommend stopping by her blog to read some more of the awesomeness she produces.

Cheers!

You know what I should be doing right now? Pumping. Instead, I’m eating lunch, doing laundry, and typing a few words here with re-runs of “Sex in the City” playing in the background. Today is my day off from work. If my baby naps for a while, I’ve got even bigger “me” plans from here: I’m going to pay some bills, attempt some yoga and possibly make some pumpkin soup from a new recipe I spied online (thereby re-acquainting myself with the kitchen, and reminding myself and my husband that I can still nourish humans bigger than two feet tall). This is all to say that pumping is not making the list. Nope. The pump is sitting less than two feet from me on the table, right there, taunting me, but I am not going to hook it up. No way.

I have been breastfeeding now for 10-plus months and pumping for about the same amount of time. I’m proud of the fact that I have breast fed my child: especially at the beginning, it was the most difficult, tiring and painful thing I have EVER done. I am also proud that I have kept up the breastfeeding longer than my original goal of six months even despite going back to work (part time) at six weeks. My new goal is 12 months, and I can even see myself extending it a bit longer beyond that. BUT mark my words, the day my son turns one years old, I am going to stop pumping.

Pumping has become my black cloud, my albatross. Though I have a decent pump – it gets the job done and it’s hands free – it’s still a time consuming and tedious process. You have to untangle it, hook it up, make sure you have on the right bra and the right shirt (or no shirt)…Make sure you time it so that you didn’t just breastfeed the baby and you aren’t about to breastfeed him…Don’t forget to lock your doors, and cover your windows (lest someone see you in this highly unattractive, super-unsexy state, straight out of a sci-fi horror film)… Also, don’t take or make any phonecalls, because the bowm-bowm-bowm droning sound will distract both you and the person on the other end. Afterwards, you have to clean all the parts and pieces thoroughly so they’re dry and ready to go when you need to do it all again in a few hours.

Unless I’m missing something (I have the Medela Freestyle hands free pump), it seems to me that pumping technology is pretty antiquated and downright lame. With all of our advances in medicine, science, engineering, etc, how is it that this is still so awkward and clunky? My wish for future breastfeeding mothers is that pumps can be built discreetly into shirts and women can pump silently while conducting board meetings and building bridges.

But I digress – the main upshot is that I’ve been procrastinating big-time. Avoiding the contraption all together. And the result? My reserves in the freezer are dwindling (I have only three servings at present, at one point I had about 20). My physical supply is starting to dry up. Sure, I am somewhat stressed about this but not so much that I can muster any motivation. I have only about a month and a half left and I’m trying to figure out how to get through it. How can I get “pumped”? Pun intended.

I’m not usually a vindictive person, but the only solution I can think of is to plot my revenge. So I am making a list of what I’m going to do with the pump when I’m finished with it. (Mind you, this is an inanimate object and a really annoying one, so please don’t judge me.) I think I might…

Drop kick it to the moon?

Pack it inside 14 boxes and banish it to the darkest corner of our spider-filled basement?

Bury it in a hole out back?

Climb to the top of nearby Hook Mountain and chuck it into the Hudson River?

Run over it on the driveway? Repeatedly?

Fire?

Hammer?

Maybe I’ll just tie it up with a nice red bow and present it to my worst enemy…

Ahhh. I feel better already. In fact, maybe I’ll just hook it up…and see if I can squeeze out a few ounces for the babysitter to use tomorrow…So much for all those other projects I wanted to tackle…Sigh.

 

Pump

How about you? How do you/did you get through the pumping?

Thanks again Jocelyn for agreeing to write a guest post for me :D!

If anyone else is interested in writing for me, please check out this post for more details.